


Picking Up The Pieces

by KoteDiM



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Romance, Science Fiction, after war, reapers defeated, shega
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoteDiM/pseuds/KoteDiM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Directly follows the end of ME3 after (paragon) Shepard chooses the “renegade” option - the reapers are destroyed, and Shepard survives ---- “James Vega knew that she had done it, when the reapers collapsed on the streets of London. For a minute, the triumph took over. But… He soon looked towards the sky. Was she okay? Had she made it? He knew that he had to find her. He would not rest till he had her safe in his arms. For too long, he had pushed his feelings for his commanding officer aside. But no more. He loved her. He just hoped that it was not too late…”<br/>Rating will go up to explicit in later chapters!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She had done it!  
When the bright wave of red light touched the city, and the reapers soon after collapsed on the battlefield that was the streets of London, he knew that it was her. That she had done it.

For a minute, the triumph took over, and countless high-fives and hugs were shared among the soldiers. Lieutenant James Vega grabbed the hand of his scarred, turian friend and pulled him in for a couple of firm pats on the back. It almost turned to a hug, as they heard the cheers of their comrades. Turians, asari, humans, krogans… They had all come together, and they had won.

As he and Garrus pulled apart, victorious grins on their faces, he saw the clouds part in the distance, high above them, light shining through the dark. Immediately, his smile faltered as he returned to the real world, which suddenly seemed to be packed too tight with the consequences of reality. The Citadel. The Crucible. Shepard. He looked more focused towards the sky, his eyes squinting in a desperate attempt to see what he wanted to, but naturally couldn’t. Was she okay? Had she made it?

Garrus must have followed his train of thoughts, because he laid a hand on James’ shoulder and looked from the lieutenant towards the horizon. The three fingers of his friend’s hand felt oddly comforting, despite the fact that he couldn’t feel them through the metal shoulder plates.

“I… We have to find her, man…” He said, as he looked at the turian, who merely nodded at the statement. He had seen it coming.

“I have to..” He repeated before continuing “Even if she’s—“

He couldn’t finish the sentence. Wouldn’t.

“I’ll come with you, Vega”

James nodded and swallowed consciously as he contacted Cortez on his omni-tool.

“Vega, that you? We did it, man! It’s over!” He heard the tired voice of their pilot.

“I know, listen, Cortez… I need you to help me get a cruiser and get me to the Citadel as soon as possible. We need to find Shepard!”

  
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The ruins were completely quiet when they arrived at the very base of the Citadel where the Crucible had been, intact, only hours earlier. The sounds of gunfire from ships had ceased after the firing of the beam and not a sound, but the ones the team made could now be heard at the station. The silence was ringing in James’ ears after what seemed like forever, running around between exploding grenades and grenades and with gunfire all around them.

He stood in the middle of the ruins without moving a muscle. He refused to believe it. It couldn’t be. _She_ couldn’t be..

Pulling himself together as he felt his eyes sting, he started running. He had no idea where to start, but he had to try. He climbed across a big chunk of stone and looked around, searching for his commander, his friend... The woman he had come to love more than anyone else.

“Shepard!” He yelled as loud as he could.

Garrus, Cortez and the medics they brought along on the ship followed his example, and started searching. They each went in separate directions, looking for the woman who had saved them all. Hoping… Begging… That they could return the favour.

What seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about twenty minutes, passed, before one of the medics called out for the others.

“I think I’ve found her! Need confirmation!” he yelled as he got down on his knees next to the body, he had discovered. Everyone hurried to where they were, but James ran as fast as he could, making him the first one there. He got down on the ground next to the medic, and the body he had found. He froze when he saw her.

There was no doubt it was her, but it took him a moment to see it. Large parts of her were covered in dirt and blood, and she had been burned badly. While she had, only hours earlier, had luscious dark brown hair cascading around her neck, down past her shoulders, the blast of fire that had undoubtedly hit her hard, had burned away much of it. Her eyes were closed, and she wasn’t moving.

“It’s her…” He heard himself say slowly and with clenched teeth.

Much of what happened next was a blur to him. The medic felt her throat with two fingers, yelled something to one of the others, who quickly came running with a bag. He snatched it and rummaged around in it until he found what he was looking for. A small glass jar with a clear, blue substance inside as well as a syringe and other utensils, which James had no idea what was called. The other medics got to work on removing the armor covering her chest and all assisted however they could.  
He had no idea what they were doing, but when they, after minutes of sitting and working on her body, finally moved again, one of them sighed relieved as he exclaimed:

“We’ve got a pulse. It’s slow, but she’s breathing. Let’s get her on board the ship, and back to London. That’s where her best chances are right now.”

James’ head flew up and he looked at the man with tears in his eyes and disbelief painted all over his face.

“She’s alive? Are you shittin’ me right now?”

“She’s alive,” he confirmed. “And I’m pretty sure it’s thanks to all her implants and in large part that armor as well. Help me get her to the ship.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Carefully, he picked her up into his arms, noting how small she seemed and how little she weighed, when she was as still as in that moment. He carried her inside the ship and down to the med-bay, where he was soon after shut out, while the medics got to work on her.

He stood outside the med-bay for almost two hours, looking at his commander through the windows of the room, before a couple of the medics finally walked out and told him that he could go in. A single salarian medic remained in the corner of the room, cleaning and sterilizing large amounts of equipment that lay piled up on a metal table next to the sink, where he was standing. Like James himself, the war had clearly taken its toll on him. He seemed exhausted, and the lieutenant could see his hands shaking softly.

He walked over to him and let his eyes rest on the lizard-like man as he spoke with a voice that seemed low, yet weirdly intruding in the silent room, where only the sounds of beeping from machines and the running water could be heard.

“Hey, man.. Thanks for saving her. Why don’t you take a well-deserved rest? I’ll stay here and report if her condition changes.”

“Are you sure?” The medic asked him, almost embarrassed and with his voice carrying a hint of surprise.

“Yeah.. You seem like you could use a break. Go.”

The salarian sent him a small smile and nodded before slowly walking out of the med-bay. As the metallic door slid shut behind him, James turned around and walked to where Shepard was lying.  
She was hooked up to several machines, and the only one he could recognize was monitoring her heart rate. Several tubes were connected to her bare arms and one led to her nose, providing her with oxygen.  
He examined her closely. The work of the medics had made a big difference. She looked much better, even if the way to full recovery was probably gonna be long for her.  
The cutting-edge, salarian technology had eased a lot of her burns, and some of the minor ones were already gone. Though the bruises and cuts remained all over her body.  
He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he stood there, observing her, his eyes roaming all over her body. Obviously, his thoughts were only on her health at that very moment, but nevertheless, he felt like he was intruding on her privacy as she lay in front of him, only wearing alliance underwear but with a sheet pulled up over her chest, held down in the sides by her arms.

James sat down in a chair next to her and leaned back as he watched over her, for the first time in a few hours noticing just how his own body ached after what had seemed like an endless war. But.. It had come to an end after all. Now began the process of recovering, rebuilding and making up for lost time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pairing in this story is not one of the most popular pairings in the Mass Effect series, and generally, there are fewer fanfic-readers within the ME-community than there are when it comes to the communities of some of the other series, I usually write stories about. But I want you guys to know that I appreciate your responses and I'm happy to know that people read this. Thank you very much :) 
> 
> Also… I’m gonna include a recap of the last part of the previous chapter in every new chapter I upload, because I like it myself when other writers do the same. When you follow around 100 fanfics, remembering where every single one left off can be difficult.   
> Finally, I want to note that the smut will not appear right away in this fic, but it will definitely come. 
> 
> \- Kote

**Last chapter:** _He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he stood there, observing her, his eyes roaming all over her body. Obviously, his thoughts were only on her health at that very moment, but nevertheless, he felt like he was intruding on her privacy as she lay in front of him, only wearing alliance underwear but with a sheet pulled up over her chest, held down in the sides by her arms._

_James sat down in a chair next to her and leaned back as he watched over her, for the first time in a few hours noticing just how his own body ached after what had seemed like an endless war. But.. It had come to an end after all. Now began the process of recovering, rebuilding and making up for lost time.  
  
_

 

James was woken from his light sleep by the sound of the door to the med-bay sliding open. He sat up, startled, and looked over his shoulder to see Garrus entering the room with a tray in his hands. The turian stopped in his tracks, when he saw the alarmed human letting out a couple of heavy breaths to ease his breathing. He held up the tray, to signal that he was just bringing some food. The gesture reminded James of a surrendering motion, without the hands all the way in the air.

“Sorry if I woke you,” Garrus said as he quietly placed the food on a small table, which he rolled over to James before grabbing a chair for himself to place next to the bed of their unconscious commander.

“Nah, that’s okay...” He ran a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes, forcing them to clear up his sight and get used to the light again.

“Wasn’t supposed to be sleeping anyway. Is it morning?” He asked his friend, looking at the tray with breakfast-like food on it.

“No. Not yet. Just thought you might need to get some food in you before we reach London.”

James looked up, tearing his eyes away from the food that seemed incredibly appealing to his stomach after too many hours without anything that even resembled a proper meal.

“We’re almost there already?” He asked, almost feeling guilty for sleeping up until then.

“ETA is in 1 hour and 23 minutes, so there’s still a way to go. Get some food,” Garrus pressed, giving the tray a slight nudge with his hand, the talons at the end of his fingers clinking against the plastic. “I don’t know what tastes good to humans, but there were some quick meals and a bit of fresh stuff in the kitchen. I brought a bit of everything. It’s not much, but it’s food.”

“Thanks man,” James said, as he digged in.

As he greedily shoveled some scrambled eggs in his mouth, he couldn’t help but let out a soft, content sigh. He felt somehow at peace in that moment. Eating a regular breakfast aboard a somewhat familiar-looking ship with what had come to be one of his best friends. He also couldn’t help but notice how it had been a while, since he had enjoyed the taste of fake eggs as much as he did in that very moment. Chewing another mouthful of the familiar white and yellow mass, he surveyed the contents on the tray in front of him. There was a glass of juice, two slices of bread with butter, a whole salami still wrapped in its paper, a knife and… An apple. An actual apple. He briefly wondered whether it was from Earth, or even grown the natural way. But he dismissed the thought. It didn’t matter. It had been months since he had last tasted an apple. On the Normandy, fruit had rarely been part of their food rations - it was expensive stuff in the middle of a war and hadn’t exactly been a priority. Of the fresh fruits they had had on board the ship, he could only recall having oranges. As James picked up half of the fruit sliced in two and took a bite, he couldn’t help but smirk to himself. The turian had probably never seen an apple before and he had obviously chosen to cut it in the, for him, most logical way.   
James thoughts were interrupted when Garrus spoke.

“I can’t believe she survived that blast,” he said quietly, his eyes resting on Shepard’s motionless body.

“I know…” The lieutenant agreed, the smirk fading from his face as quickly as it had appeared. He looked at her face… Bruised and burned.

 _But still beautiful_ , he thought.

“Are you going to tell her?” Garrus asked hesitantly.

“What?” James asked a bit too quickly, his widened eyes snapping to his friend’s at the question.

“The war is over. The reapers, the collectors.. They’re gone. So are you going to tell her, when she wakes up?” he elaborated slightly, though without saying the most important words aloud. He didn’t have to. And James was grateful that he didn’t do it anyway.

He returned his look to Shepard, examining her carefully while letting the question hang in the air, unanswered. Pulling himself together, he answered honestly.

“Yeah… I was kinda thinking about doing it before, you know? Before hell broke loose. But I didn’t have the cojones. How pathetic is that? I’d rather take on a reaper than just be honest to both of us. But since there are none left, I have no reason to back out now, I guess,” he added with a slight smile.

The turian grinned, his mandibles jumping slightly against his jaws at the held back laughter. James chuckled, the contagious mood affecting himself as well as Garrus. When the mood died down a minute or two later, Garrus turned to his human team mate again with a more serious look on his face.

“Based on what I’ve seen, lieutenant… I don’t think you have to worry about whether it’s mutual.”

James just looked at him for a few endless seconds before turning his eyes back to their commander. Lifting the apple to his mouth, he sighed softly before replying.

“We’ll see…”

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

About an hour later, James was standing in the men’s bathroom under a semi-warm spray of water, letting all the dirt wash away from his body and down the drain. He had decided to make use of the running water while he had it at his disposal, not actually sure how the situation looked on Earth regarding water.. Or anything else really.   
Holding his hand under the standard soap/shampoo-combined dispenser on the tile covered wall, he pushed the button a few times, getting a good handful of the Aloe Vera scented liquid, which he then distributed on his firm chest. He lathered his body up and rubbed his sore muscles to ease the tension in them. Dispensing more of the soap, he washed his short, spiky hair while noting that it contained dust from cement, dirt and blood. And who knew what else. He felt eternally grateful for the chance to clean up before reaching Earth again. Even if he didn’t have any clean clothes to put on afterwards.

Cortez’ voice suddenly came out of the small speakers in the ceiling, interrupting his peaceful moment of personal time.

“Attention everyone.. We will reach the location of the hospital in London in just about 10 minutes. Prepare to leave the ship.”

James quickly rinsed the soap out of his hair and off of his body before walking over to grab a white towel in the cabinet, where he had located them before getting soaked. It didn’t take him long to dry himself off and put his old clothes on again.

When he exited the bathroom, he almost ran back to the med-bay. It was on the same floor as the crew quarters, just like it had been on the Normandy, so it didn’t take him long to get there. The medical staff they had brought on the ship was busy preparing Shepard for the transfer and they looked questioningly at him when he entered the med-bay, surveying the situation.

“Need any help with her?” He asked them all, focusing his eyes on the salarian he had previously talked to, when the others had left after stabilizing the commander. He was not the only salarian in the group, but he was the smallest and his skin had a faint, red color, while the two others were different shades of grey.   
His dark, oval eyes looked back at the human he recognized from earlier, the thin membrane sliding upward to briefly cover the brown irises as he blinked once, appearing to consider his options. 

“Need to transfer the commander to hospital on Earth. Too bumpy in the ruins for a stretcher to be useful. Can you carry her again?” He asked.

“Of course,” James immediately agreed.

“Just hold her like you did before. Careful. No unnecessary bending of her body. We are not sure how much is broken yet. Wait with lifting her until we land. Safer. First, need to put some clothes on her” the salarian spoke quickly.

Nodding, James stepped closer, unsure of whether to step back or not. But when a human medic handed him a hospital-like shirt and two of the others stepped up next to Shepard’s bed, slowly lifting her upper body to get her into a sitting position, he quickly walked over to slip the shirt over her head. When he got the fabric down around her neck and her head fell forward, he almost froze. Right there, between her shoulder blades, was a simple N7 tattoo in clear black colors, almost shining up at him and matching the one he had, himself. His mind briefly wandered to when they had talked in the holding area of the docks on the Citadel - when she had passed by him, right as he was getting the N7 symbol tattooed onto that very spot on his own back by a batarian tattoo artist. He had playfully suggested that she could get a tattoo as well. His name in a special place perhaps. She had grinned, asking him if he was ever going to make good of all his flirting. The mere shock of her blunt question had thrown him so much off course that he had stumbled across his own words, speechless. She had left soon after, but it would appear she had been back. Matching tattoos, eh? It was smaller, but proportionally perfect for her.

He let her arms slip carefully into the short sleeves of the white shirt, the tattoo hidden from him again all too soon. One of his hands slid around her back while the other gently held the back of her head, lowering her to the bed. Looking at her, he gently brushed a few strands of hair away from the bruised forehead.

“Soon…” He muttered softly as he let a single finger trail over her cheek.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The large hospital in the outskirts of London was damaged, to say the least. Upon seeing it, James’ initial thought was that it looked like a reaper had “cut off” a corner of the building. However, most of the lower floors were relatively intact and doctors and patients from outposts around the city were slowly gathering to treat or get treated since the reapers had been destroyed.

Once again, James was sitting by his commander’s side. He talked to the still unconscious woman in front of him with a sad smile on his lips.

“I’m not gonna let this become a habit, Lola…”

Thanks to all the equipment at the British hospital, they had been able to examine Shepard’s injuries more closely. Her armor had indeed saved her life and the implants as well as the procedures that she had undergone during the past few years had kept her body from complete shut-down. The situation remained severe though. She was in a medically induced coma and apart from the visible, more obvious injuries, she had a severe concussion, two of her ribs were bruised, her arm was broken, and the doctors suspected some damage to her hearing. They couldn’t be sure if it was permanent yet. However, the most noticeable thing was her left leg. When the doctors had examined it further and took an x-ray of it, it was clear that it could not be saved and had to be amputated below the knee.   
For the first time since they found her, James felt relieved that Shepard was not awake. The pain, physical and emotional, would be difficult for even her to handle. Even if a solution could be found and it turned out that she had the money for it, it would be a long time before it would be possible for her to get an artificial leg grown. Until then, she was relieved of command, though the Alliance let her keep her title.   
James had felt the anger swell up in his chest on her behalf, when he had gotten the news. He knew that there was nothing he could do to change the facts, but the consequences of her condition ran through his head all at once and in his frustration, he had ended up punching one of the hospital’s brick walls and spraining his hand. None of the crewmembers (those who weren’t still MIA) had taken the news well. But as the days passed and the news settled with the ones present and closest to the commander, they had at least gotten a good laugh about James’ injury and Cortez’ initial reaction to seeing it. (“Ah, hell Vega! We’re supposed to be rebuilding, not knocking down more walls!”)

However, despite Shepard’s injuries, her condition was stable and as the days passed and the doctors treated her injuries, severe as well as minor ones, she slowly looked better and better. James had gotten himself a bed next to hers in her medium-sized hospital room and when he wasn’t on duty, he was by her side. The day after arriving in the city again, he had asked Hackett to be allowed to stay in London to help rebuild and keep order there. Partially because he didn’t have any immediate family that he needed to be with, but mostly, it was to be near his commander. He hadn’t given his Admiral the latter of the two reasons. He didn’t have to.

The other crewmembers from the Normandy, who had been on Earth after the war, slowly spread out to help in different places. Garrus was working closely alongside the turian primarch on board his ship to get an estimate of the losses on their side, while simultaneously trying to get their technology working, so they could contact the stations on Palaven and its moons as well as other colonies. However, after two weeks, there was still no success.  
Tali returned to her duties as admiral of the flotilla and also helped salvage everything useful from the reapers and the geth, to get the mass relays working again. With their technological expertise, the quarians were making great strides in the right direction, even though none of the relays were yet functional.   
Every crewmember had duties to his or her own people, but at the same time, it was clear that the war had brought every race closer together and that people were lending helping hands wherever they were needed. Most efforts were spent on rebuilding the major cities on Earth and getting the most needed technology up and running again, the first priority being the mass relays.  
The help that the humans were receiving, because other races were trapped in their solar system, was easily noticeable when it came to progress. Even after such a short time.

But without the contact to the other systems, so much was still unknown. The questions were too many to count, though one remained constantly in the back of the mind of the crewmembers who had served under Shepard.

Where was the Normandy?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little additional info about Shepard in this fic. She is Earthborn and a War hero. Once she joined the Alliance, she lived where her ships and missions took her.  
> On Virmire, the one who died was Ashley. Kaidan survived and the two are very close, as in the games, but they were never romantically involved. Shepard never romanced any of her crew members, but all the flirting scenes between her and Vega from ME3 happened – including the ones from the Citadel DLC. For those of you who haven’t played the DLC yet, check out Youtube, if you haven’t done it already. A couple of our lovely fellow fans have pieced the scenes together and uploaded them :)  
> The internet is a wonderful place! 
> 
> \- Kote

**Last chapter:** _Most efforts were spent on rebuilding the major cities on Earth and getting the most needed technology up and running again, the first priority being the mass relays.  
The help that the humans were receiving, because other races were trapped in their solar system, was easily noticeable when it came to progress. Even after such a short time. _

_But without the contact to the other systems, so much was still unknown. The questions were too many to count, though one remained constantly in the back of the mind of the crewmembers who had served under Shepard._

_Where was the Normandy?_  

 

* * *

 

“We did it, Sir,” she sighed with relief as she sank down next to Anderson. She had come to care for the man so much over the years. She had never said it out loud, but he would always be more than just her superior. He mustered his last strength to pull himself up to sit against the platform behind them.

“Yes. We did. We both did,” he replied as he stared out in the open space in front of them. He could see Earth from where they sat.

“It’s quite a view,” he added.

“Best seats in the house,” she said as she relaxed next to him. She suddenly felt how tired she was and how every muscle in her body ached, making her painfully aware of how badly she was hurt.  
Anderson spoke softly as he continued to look at their home planet in the distance.

“God… Feels like years since I just sat down.”

“I think you earned a rest,” she told him honestly as she looked at how bruises of all colours were forming on his brown skin. He chuckled at her, unable to keep the coughing and grunting entirely at bay as his body protested against the motions.

“You ever wonder how things would have been different? How our lives would be.. Different.. If this hadn’t happened? I never had a family, Shepard. Never had children,” he told her softly, giving her the feeling that he wanted to tell her something.  
Part of her wanted to say “I never had a real dad,” while the other part of her didn’t want to reveal how much she cared about him. She settled for another light reply in an attempt to hold her feelings back.

“There’ll be time enough for that now.”

He laughed a bit at her comment and blinked sadly as he looked down. He briefly thought about Kahlee Sanders. The love of his life. How he would have loved to have more time with her.

“I.. I think that ship has sailed,” he said, before continuing “What about you? Ever think about settling down?”

She thought about Earth… Pictured a small house with a loving husband. She tried to brush off the familiar face of the man she had intended to be faceless, but to no avail. The strong arms, the tribal tattoos, and in his arms, a small dark-haired girl with her eyes. Yeah.. She had thought about it. She smiled softly but had to clench her teeth as she tried to move a bit.

“Yeah.. I like the sound of that. Not sure I’d be much good at it though,” she answered, voicing one of her deepest fears.  

He dismissed her concerns immediately with a simple “Sure you would.”

She huffed disbelievingly.

“I’m a soldier, Anderson. Like you,” she told him. “Not really fit for doing anything else.”

“I don’t know, Shepard. I think you’d make a _great_ mother.”

She glanced at him and felt her eyes burn, touched by how convinced he sounded, but she settled for a simple “U-huh,” as reply.

He continued softly.

“Think how proud your kids would be. Telling everyone their mom is Commander Shepard.”  
Her eyes flickered as she, in her head, went over some of the things that had happened during the war. Decisions she had made that turned out to be all wrong. People she hadn’t been able to save.

“I don’t know about that. Not everything I’ve done is something to be proud of,” she admitted, her voice laced with regret.

“Come here,” he told her, and she leaned a bit towards him as he continued “ _I’m_ proud of you. You did good, child. You did good.”

Biting back her tears, she tried desperately to stay strong. To keep it together.

“Thank you, Sir.”

She took a couple of seconds to collect her thoughts, but heard the barely audible groan next to her as Anderson’s head fell slightly to the left, where his chin let it rest on his chest.

“Anderson. Stay with me. We’re almost through this,” Shepard told him with an almost begging edge to her exhausted voice.

“Anderson?” She asked, and looked at him, when he didn’t reply. Under his military cap, his eyes were closed and his ragged breathing had stopped. Once more, she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She looked down at the hand that was pressing against the wound in her side. She was covered in blood, but at that moment, she didn’t care. Didn’t feel the pain.  
She just sat in peace next to the man who had been like the father she had never known. A man, who had always been there for her, always believed in her and always supported her. A man, who was no more. The warm tears rolled down her cheeks, dripping onto her uniform. Anderson…  
A voice broke the silence, attempting to bring her back to reality. It seemed so far away.

“Shepard.”

She looked around in search of the source, but could not locate it. She closed her eyes, wanting to stay where she was. With Anderson. Forget about the war and everything else. Just be at peace. But again, the insisting voice interrupted her silent moment of peace.

“Commander!”

She wasn’t sure she could open her eyes again. Wasn’t sure she ever wanted to. Her eyelids parted slowly, but the motion was almost painful to her. The light was suddenly much brighter, so she closed them again.

“Doc! She’s waking up!” The familiar voice called. It had a nervous edge to it and it still sounded as if it was farther from her than the footsteps she heard come closer would suggest. She felt a large hand move to hold her own smaller one.  
As she tried to open her eyes again, she felt her tears being brushed gently away from her cheeks. She turned her head and tried to focus on the person sitting next to her as her eyes slowly got used to the bright room. She realised that she was no longer on the Citadel.  
When she recognised the man sitting next to where she was lying, she started sobbing softly. He was alive. James was alive. She couldn’t hold in her tears.

“Commander?” He asked carefully. “Can you hear me?”

The tears ran down her cheeks as she nodded softly.

“James,” she whispered hoarsely, trying desperately to stop her tears.

“I’m here,” he replied with a soft smile. “It’s over now. You did it.”

Her shoulders were shaking softly as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks in a seemingly endless stream, her eyes focused on him.

“Are you in pain?” He asked and brought his hand up to cup her cheek and gently wiped away her tears with his roughened but warm thumb.

“I just can’t stop,” she sobbed helplessly, not answering his question, but grieving for the people she had lost. Ashley, Thane, Edi, Anderson, Legion, Mordin... She hadn’t been able to save them. And while she was in a lot of pain, she couldn’t care less about herself at that very moment.  
James moved to lie on his side next to her on the bed and slid his arm under her neck, holding her in a protective, comforting embrace.

“A person can only hold it together for so long, so I won’t tell you not to cry. This has been a long time coming, Lola,” he murmured gently as he buried his nose in her hair and breathed in her scent. It wasn’t completely her own. The explosion, the medical environment and everything she had been treated with since they found her in the rubble had left a foreign scent that was now mixed with her own, but she was there. It was her. The knot of tension which had formed in his chest on the day of their final push against the reapers, when he had had to let her go to reach the beam, finally eased up and a wave of relief and calmness washed over him as he sat there holding her in his arms.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t normally—” she began, but James interrupted her.

“No, that’s what I’m saying. And you deserve to finally not be the one person in the Galaxy who everyone expects to keep their cool, y’know? You’re human too”

She chuckled at him and moved her head to rest against his broad chest as she said “I think the scientists of the Lazarus project would disagree with you there.”

“Yeah, well.. They can kiss my ass,” he replied with a huff before continuing “However… To give credit where credit is due and all that, I’d say they did a pretty good job with you.”

The tracks from her tears had started to dry on her cheeks, and Shepard couldn’t help but fall back into the usual pattern of flirting that existed between the two of them. She ran a finger

“Oh, is that so, Lieutenant?”

“You know damn well it is,” he grinned.

“Well, as long as we’re being honest… I think I kinda messed up their work,” she said, once again noticing how much her body was aching.  
James opened his mouth and searched for an appropriate answer, but none came to mind right away, so he closed it again. What should he tell her?

“You’re gonna be up in no time,” he said, trying to seem confident in his own words.

With her gaze still firmly fixed on his broad chest, Shepard swallowed hard against him and bit her lower lip before she supplied “Up, maybe... But I don’t need to look under my covers to know that, based on the fact that I can’t feel my left leg, it will take a while to get me up _and_ running. Am I right?”

The vulnerability in her voice as she let him know that she knew about her amputated leg made his heart ache for her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> There are a few gaps in the story where I honestly don’t know how to explain what happens. But we’ve all had those thoughts already, I think. How is Shepard breathing in space (when using the crucible) without a helmet and so on and so forth. Many different theories...


End file.
